Possibly Even Longer than That

Oh, I’m sorry, you’re here to change your plan? This is the line for people signing up for a new phone. I’ll put you in the plan changing line for another 45 minutes. What is this, the DMV?!

They’ll Always Try to Sell You a New Phone

Oh, you came in here to switch your data limit? What would go great with a different data limit? This brand new smartphone!

Then They’ll Try to Sell You a New Plan

They’ll try to distract you with Kim Kardashian but repeat after me. You do not need a new data plan.

That is More Expensive Yet Gives You Less Data than Your Old Plan

Okay, so with this new plan, I’ll pay $100 more than I’m paying now; but I’ll get 20GB less data. Why would I switch to this? Oh, right. Because the corporate office wants to get me off this grandfathered unlimited plan. Yeah, no thanks!

Everything Has a Fee

If you want to change your name from Sarah to Tom on your account. You’ll pay a name change fee of $20. it, what?

Are You Sure You Want to Cancel?

I know you haven’t used this phone for two and a half years. But are you sure you want to cancel?

Are You Sure that You’re Sure?

If you cancel this line, you won’t be able to reactivate it without paying the reactivation fee. Are you positive?

Unfortunately, I Am Unable to Cancel Your Service at this Time.

Oh man, my system’s down. Looks like you’ll have to call the hotline to cancel this phone. So, I accidentally added three extra lines to your account. So you’ll have to cancel those, too; there will be a $35 cancellation fee per line. That cool?

Don’t Even Think About Asking Them to Fix Anything

Having a problem with your Galaxy S5? Have you tried turning it off and then turning it back on again? Hang on a moment while I email Samsung customer service.